Mediation as a central life-skill; today's quotes:

1. "Mediation starts for me with how I relate to living where I live, at this point in time, with all that I have been given, all I desire & all I want to avoid. The conflict is accentuated by my placing a particular aspirational picture in my room & believing in a way that I could grow into a better human being".
2. "For me, perhaps the most interesting, growthful, and (retrospectively) valued part of any relationship is when something arises that represents, to either of us, a bigger challenge than one expected, or a different kind of challenge from the ones anticipated."
3. I trust our long-term relationship enough to ask this (sharp?) blunt question: "You're very attached to your ego-centric bulls**t, aren't you? Me too".
4. "Talking about marriage etc - In time, I'd probably prefer it if your strategy to hold onto a belief in your sexual attractiveness did not depend significantly on me. This is because I am easily swayed in seeing superficial sexual attractiveness elsewhere. Now, if you are asking me a question about Loyalty/Fidelity - which apart from in the film, Frida (*below) are usually seen as the same thing - then we can have a useful conversation. What I'd want to clarify is whether Fidelity of Body, Speech and Mind is your bottom-line, or not?"
5. "If you want to start mediating, reflect on one of your relationships in life (be that with someone living, dead or your idealised self & ask: i) What, so far, have we co-created?; ii) What do we like about it?; iii) What have we found more difficult than we like? iv) What change are we asking for?; v) How was 1-4 for you?"
6. "The most 'successful' people in the world are those who get others' support for their activities whilst helping their supporters to be less self-responsible & less caring about a sustainable future. Through this lens my very limited 'success' is no failure. The lens I hold up in awe is that of Dr BR Ambedkar, for whom success would surely have been defined as groups of "downtrodden" people living more harmoniously under the principles of Liberty, Equality & Fraternity (& not their 'near-enemies' from the French Revolution).  (And this is a link to a short talk illustrating how Dr Ambedkar's ideals are being upheld - especially by the empowerment of women in Norhern India- within The Indian Dharma Trust)
7. Some communication is so laden with assumptions and blame statements rather than with clarity & taking responsibility that it can seem an overwhelming task to "detoxify" what was said to you by them (or even what you just said to yourself about yourself - your depression arising from your own destructively critical way of talking to yourself!). How about I help you with that and you help me, or someone else with it too, or with something else that you'd prefer to do that takes as long? (Mediation provided by Mediation Support Ltd on a Timebanking basis: contact me via the web here or phone Zero7807066202)
8. "Your ability to understand me is heavily influenced by your willingness to understand me. Would you be willing/able to find a way to generate that willingness that doesn't involve me doing anything first? Advice on generating empathy is widely available; I have preferred websites for doing that which I could let you know about if you remain stuck."

*

Linking the "Walking Buddhas of SE England" project to "The Angel of the North"

And if you'd like some more context for the above film, here's the playlist of the project:

"The Speed of Trust" & how we can build it quickly between ourselves

Everything looks very different (especially my videos) depending on where you stand in relation to trusting me, and that the best way of building trust with me is:

1. Build mutual understanding 
2. Take responsibility for your own emotional baggage 
3. Build an action plan to address unmet needs 
4. Plan a review meeting to discuss whether the plan met the needs  
5. Repeat 1-4 ad infiniteum until you learn a better way to live. :-) 

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Recommended reading: "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen R Covey. Ironically this book is packaged as if it were written by his far more esteemed dad; I for one was fooled! If you can get past this apparent deception and absorb a tenth of this book it will save you so much stress and wasted resources*. (Available for free from the Southwater Area Community Centre Streetbank depot). *I'm currently involved in a mediation case where it holds the prospect of saving £200,000.
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My services (through Mediation Support Ltd, Southwater Community Centre) as a mediator are available to you on the basis of "an hour of my time for an hour of yours" - this is brokered through a formal or informal timebank eg http://stleonardssharing.info so that you spend your hour doing something you like to do for your local community eg having a cup of tea with your neighbours two doors away. The importance of your taking neighbourliness to the next level, and beyond, can hardly be overstated in my opinion. If younwant research evidence let's start with that showing the lower rate of burglaries -and pier fires, I presume- the more we generate the environment wherein we know (& love?) our neighbours.

Freely distributing "the heart of mindful relationships" and helping the strong

Dear X

I've  been reminded recently of a controversial aphorism: "Help the Strong".
This morning I realised what my working definition of "the strong" is ie those who have been receptive to one of your two-day trainings or to some other formalised structure to support individual growth eg Hastings Buddhist Centre, as supported by a guy called Vidyakaya*.

Rather than give everyone who attended your training here a copy of your book, prompted by my partner", I want to practice freelending (and possibly timebanking at the same time). Buying a stock of just 10 books from you, I'll promote the book to those who came to your last years training, lend the book for a month to anyone who wants to borrow it (including an advert for it in the forthcoing fortnightly newspaper I'm launching at St Leonards Warrior Square Station), and deliver/collect it on my bike using timebanked hours where possible. 

For those who haven't seen Maria's advert for her book, here it is:http://www.mariaarpa.co.uk/the-heart-of-mindful-relationships.html 

* And here is Vidyakaya:

A plea for team-building as the pre-requisite of community-building

Dear X
Let me just mark this stage of the "story" by stating that I believe you can achieve great things in St Leonards in the context of a strong team that is deeply committed to working through conflicts. To use Maria's words (paraphrased): "Wherever there is more than one person, there is conflict. Wherever the conflict is expressed there is a dispute. Wherever there is conflict or dispute, an authentic exploration of needs and values enables healing that no other process achieves."
The vision that I had for you, Patsy Solanki, Sue C & Ms Z last autumn was of "a sisterhood", providing mutual support that enabled you, amongst other things, to get the best out of me in making my contribution to "a more caring and sharing St Leonards", to which I am deeply committed, though often feel under-resourced. Thus, some difficulties in life I too postpone handling, striving to treat people with respect as I do so.
Of course I balance this by asking: Why postpone your integration (& integrity) any longer?

Kind regards/ Lots of love (whichever you prefer)
Paul
http://additionalinfo.blogspot.com

Also
http://YouTube.com/toothpaste007 - I've experimented in many ways with filming. I'd really value it if you subscribed and let me know what filming could enhance your connection with others and help  develop a "more caring & sharing community" around you?

Also
http://stleonardssharing.info

For a better quality of connection and mutual understanding, please phone/text 0780 70 66 202.
I usually prefer calls & will call bac

Questioning a teacher on the fundamental nature of things

Thank you Surata, for being such a sport at the Triratna International Festival 2012.

If the hat fits -and the t-shirt- and the money

A Draft set of Equality Principles that could benefit from your input:

1. I endeavour to uphold  "your needs are as important as mine."*
2. I endeavour to uphold that your time is as valuable as mine; which is a principle that underlies the practice of timebanking.
3. I seek to develop the skill of recognising skills in others and nurturing them.
4. I seek to share and to learn.
5. I recognise that I am proud about some things that I believe I can do better than others.
6. I strive to express my strengths in ways that lead into "constructive dialogue", rather than away from it.

What do you think about these equality statements?

*Old website : yourneedsequaltomine.wordpress.com


Here now is my Community Development Portfolio (which helped secure me a close second place out of 5 candidates for the Neighbourhood Enablers Team co-ordinator post (for which I didn't even apply, until I was asked to by those due to do the interviewing).

If you are keener to see a diverse group of people explaining how they got involved with the Community Development work led by Paul Crosland, this film shows the amazing synergy that began with the launch of "Hastings & St Leonards Action for Happiness". Mark Williamson, the national CEO of Action for Happiness visited us as "a leading local group" in September 2011; the circle process being facilitated by Paul Crosland in what has been hailed as "an exemplary style": And here's the Hastings Trust Mission, Vision and Strategy that I love and constructively question how it is being put into place:

Our Vision

Our vision is for Hastings to be a place of connected, creative and sustainable communities that people are proud to be a part of.
Our Mission

Our mission is to identify and create opportunities for people to work together,
improving the quality of local lives now and for the future.

We aim to deliver this through the following areas of activity:

A Asset acquisition, protection and development
• To provide a more secure financial future for [our] communities.
• To provide affordable, accessible and appropriate accommodation to enable more socially focussed organisations to operate for the good of the future regeneration of our communities.
• To contribute to the urban regeneration of the area through the improvement and redevelopment of underutilised properties.

B Routes out of poverty and worklessness
• To enable the community economic development of the area through provision of appropriate support and assistance which enables local people to become economically active and less reliant on state assistance, thereby improving quality of community and individual life.

C Community development and quality of life – arts, culture, heritage and environment
• To enable local people to have greater control over the fortunes of their communities, to work together for the common good, and to improve quality of community and individual life.
• To provide the right environment for environmental, cultural, heritage and arts development thereby enhancing the regeneration of the area, improving the local economy and improving quality of individual and community life.

All of which are underpinned by:

D Secure financial position, management team and governance
• To ensure that [we have the structures to] provide long term support to enable the social, economic and environmental regeneration of Hastings, St Leonards.

E Campaigning, lobbying and partnership working
• To ensure that [we] and the wider third sector, locally, regionally and nationally, is better equipped to provide all of the above for the common good, to enhance social, economic, cultural and environmental regeneration and thereby improve quality of individual and community life.

( From   http://www.hastingstrust.com/vision.html)

The key St Leonards Community Building Structure that I offer through the St Leonards Sharing Consortium is this set of objectives, which await your input.

Hastings & St Leonards Observer published letters and articles

For reference in Hastings & St Leonards, here are the Community Development pieces published  there so far:

• 6th July 2012 (Will it be published? -my most revealing letter yet)
• 29th June 2012 "How about a major 'yes to' initiative?"
• 1st June 2012: "Let the truth come out during public meetings"
• 30th September 2011: "Talks to mark anniversary of pier fire"
• 24th June 2011:  "Group is aiming to get Hastings smiling again"
• 10th June 2011 :  "We need to act if we want justice"

And for those also interested in Community Development in India: 

• Gandhi and the Dalit controversy
• Mr Gandhi and Dr Ambedkar
• Dr Ambedkar
• India 2036
• Nagaloka-Dream-Cycle

A summer of fundraising for Pilgrims Hospices in the wake of my mum's death

Please go to the  fundraising page for Pilgrims Hospice which I have set up in memorium of my mum.
I hope to prove* that skilled use of blogging, twitter and YouTube is a valuable way to raise funds

*Part of my working life is as a freelance Social Media Consultant with Freelending CIC; who in turn pay Mediation Support Ltd, of which I am the sole director. In the last few months this Social Media work has been commissioned by Timebanking UK and by The Centre for Peaceful Solutions.

If you can see that your concerns might benefit from some tweaking of the social media you generate, then come to a workshop at the Southwater Area Community Centre or at your place on request. No money payable; I will value your skills equally to mine and trade an hour for an hour through "St Leonards Sharing" timebank.

Three new initiatives in protecting St Leonards concerns

1) The "Non-exploitation card" scheme -making purchases in Hastings & St Leonards 20% cheaper for those who make a non-property-profiteering agreement:

2) St Leonards TownTeam (http://stleonardstownteam.blogspot.co.uk)
A response to the Portas Bid video submitted on 30th March 2012:


Portas Bid video


3) Team St Leonards
[Watch this space & http://teamstleonards.blogspot.co.uk

Meanwhile a St Leonards Community Facebook page has been set up by Ali

Paul has recorded this in the bath!:

& Paul has (allegedly) improved on Damian Hirst's Art:

 The video on YouTube has a link to the website where Paul would be grateful, warm & fuzzy if you engaged in voting for the St Leonards Love Statue of your choice on http://love-statues.blogspot.co.uk

NB 8 themes (for the vote on the drama you want written about what's going on here -& elsewhere):
Local community (re)generation themes:

1. The ongoing loss of justice in relation to those known to have been on the pier on the night of the fire & the consequences of not resolving this to the satisfaction of the community?
2. What difference the Jerwood Gallery is making, or will -in time- make to Hastings, and whether there is harm to be addressed here too?
3. What "St Leonards Love Statues" could do for "St Leonards" in the way that Anthony Gormley statues eg "The Angel of the North" have done for their local areas?
4. How to stop developments squeezing out much that we value here?
5. How we can best address social exclusion and the roots of social unrest?
6. “Sustainable Local Futures” - in the new world economic order, undertaking the transition to a local economy that is more independent of world shocks?
7. “The amazing wealth of original, talented young people ,numerous local, high profile events and projects” promoted by The Respond Academy, amongst others?
8. "Ethical Outings in Hastings & St Leonards" (in relation to Arson etc) & what role we play across all generations in "character building" and taking responsibility, rather than letting things get worse.

http://love-statues.blogspot.co.uk