My "bleeding heart" experience of how people "communicate" when their emotions are running high is that e.g. I will show e.g. competitiveness in how I use words and body. If in dialogue anyone seeks to win or make anyone (morally) wrong, we all lose.
I'm specifically interested in assumptions made about the wrong* that is the judgement any of us make when we think that someone else's communication style is dysfunctional.
What intrigues me about being on the IMPACTFUL receiving end of the phrase "BAD communicator" is the hidden implicit assumptions about my intentions?
What does the other person presume I'm trying to do in using my mind, body & speech how I choose to use them?
From there we can then unfold what pain lies behind the strategy of making the other wrong for expressing their concerns/values/needs in the best way they can access at the time.
I dearly love to work with others who are committed to:
"identifying one's communication conditioning,
changing the pattern so that needs are (imaginatively) brought to a head, assumptions carefully checked and the concept of self responsibility is deeply embodied."
MY REQUESTS ARE
1) Will you try out the on-line empathy process I co-created on CommunicatingNeeds.org and/or it's first sister site: ApologyPlus.org.uk ? - and/or read the GRIEVANCE POLICY that Hastings Pier Charity (under the name HPWRT) commissioned Mediation Support Ltd (of which I am the Director) to write - see the tab on hastingsjustice.blogspot.co.uk & send me feedback today?
2) Would you like to join me in one to one or group sessions looking at our communication on a journey to a form of communication that is freed from most of the win-lose or compromise assumptions of the "domination culture"?
3) and/or please send me a full account of what's there for you in terms of unease, grudges and fears at present and I will respond to your written words or video of your concerns in such a way that will be astoundingly different from the poverty you may perceive in directly talking to me.
A strong sense of what it might take to get on the same page but a whole wiser and more compassionate realm of interconnection is implicit in the following background links that relate to work (to be repeated on request) with an international level trainer in "The Dialogue Road Map".
This training by. Maria Arpa was last delivered in Hastings & St Leonards on the the 9th-11th September 2011. Amongst those invitees who attended and valued the training as essential was the chair of the Hastings Pier Charity, Ray Chapman who you'll hear recommending it on:
ActionForHastingsHappiness.blogspot.co.uk/p/national-importance-of-hastings-and-st.html & And is this page relevant too?
Please also look at:
actionforhastingshappiness.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/maria-arpa-on-fairness-dialogue-road.html
To practice a less well developed version of communicating via the four steps of making an OBSERVATION, expressing a FEELING, linking the feeling to a causal NEED & making a REQUEST:
1) My observation is that I've had less than 3 hours sleep
2) I'm feeling raw
3) The needs/values I'm in touch with are peace, harmony, acceptance of difference?, (joy in diversity?), learning/wisdom, ease, friendship, challenge & break-through beyond all the previous failures.
4) My request is that you watch at least part one of Maria Arpa's video about the fairness button that is easily triggered within each of us. Could you, within a week, let me know if you'd like some interaction with Maria Arpa by phoning me on 0780 70 66 202 and then we can clarify how we might get more of what we want from Maria and, like with everyone else, less of what we don't want or don't believe serves our (higher) interests well.
*********
My parting advice to stay connected with someone is to avoid the "3 Ds of disconnection" :
1) Deserve-based language
2) Demand
3) Denial of Responsibility
There's a 4th D but I've forgotten it. Time for some humility around what I don't know in terms of effective strategies to bring people into NVC (nonviolent communication), or at least into mutual comprehension.
May everyone be loved well,
Paul
#FreeRange #Buddhist
+ Action For Hastings Happiness 'Pay It Forward' Rickshaw 'Captain'
& servant of the (WisdomCompassion?) machine that YouTube.com/toothpaste007 aspires to be for the world
(beyond my consciousness)
The latest of 2,000+ YouTube films from Paul Crosland: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUUqx0gIWHhZZ7iMzSQQ5FeA
OR
Do you prefer to connect more straight-forwardly? :
Tel 0780 70 66 202
PS. How do you want to be loved?
PPS. What's my role in that?
PPPS. My preferred ways of co-creating a "more caring and sharing
community" around you me and us is on my home page:
additionalinfo.blogspot.co.uk
& what you can expect from me is here:
http://additionalinfo.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/my-email-footer-is-here-instead-of-on.html
*"Of course, there's nothing wrong with being wrong", by which I mean that there is no fixed moral value attached to making mistakes. They are what they are - not ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Also - from an F.M. Alexander perspective it is by ‘being wrong’ that we break habits and discover the flow of life.
Location:Quarry Hill,Hastings,United Kingdom
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